Mr. Wells, for your epic and well-deserved dismantling of Curmudgeon-hated idiot Guy Fieri and his new New York City restaurant, The Curmudgeon salutes you.
For your evisceration of the incomprehensible menu so complete that not even the nachos escaped, The Curmudgeon salutes you.
For eliciting comments that prove what The Curmudgeon always suspected but never had evidence of:
Ages ago, when Guy was coronated as America’s First Food Network Allstar Whatever, I remember going to a wine-tasting at which several members of the Food Network staff were present. Apparently, the staff pick for winner was Reggie, for those who remember–the big, very fun, heavy gay Black baker from Georgia. Hands down. HOWEVER, as it was explained to me after several glasses had been poured, Guy was considered “more marketable” by “management”–”Guy appealed to your average White suburban guy; convincing him that he was a culinary genius for being able to slap some corn and a steak slathered in BBQ sauce on the grill and then make a sandwich with the leftovers on Monday.” Reggie was too Black and too gay–and a better cook by the standards of everyone I spoke to in that room.
… The Curmudgeon salutes you.1
Pete Wells, you are doing the Lord’s work. Or at least, The Curmudgeon’s. Consider yourself saluted!
EDIT: Helen Rosner wrote some words about why this review is important, and extends beyond a bad review of a restaurant that everyone knew was going to suck even before it opened. The Curmudgeon recommends reading it.
- Also for eliciting the wonderful comment, with which The Curmudgeon agrees, that “I think this review should be made into a Broadway musical.” [↩]