The Curmudgeon admits to occasionally shopping at Whole Foods. This is mostly for the convenience of the thing, since they have some very lovely cheeses and meats and are 5 minutes away, whereas places like The Bloomy Rind and Porter Road Butcher are 45 minutes away in no traffic and 75 minutes away in Nashville traffic.
However, it does seem difficult to walk into a Whole Foods and not actively make fun of both the staff and the clientele. Because, well, you’ve seen them, right? It’s a bit of a sport. Someone needs to create a Whole Foods bingo card to play while shopping there, with squares like:
- full sleeve tattoos
- shopping cart with nothing but “substitute” food (soy/gluten-free/fake meat/vitamin supplements)
- immigrant nanny to a botoxed wealthy Franklin woman
- botoxed wealthy Franklin woman
…you get the idea.
Anyway, comedienne Kelly MacLean apparently feels the same way. With observations based on every stupid food fad that is currently lining the walls of Whole Foods from kombucha to gluten-free everything to the “I want to publicly announce that I am full of self-loathing” cleanse diets, she covers it all. It’s useless to quote anything here; just go read the whole thing.
Kelly MacLean, for exercising your inner curmudgeon and righteously sending up all the ridiculous inanity that is Whole Foods, The Curmudgeon salutes you.